Orihime's Secret Santa Gift Exchange
by SakuraKiss444
Summary: Orihime hosts a secret santa party at her house on Christmas for all of her Shinigami and Arrancar friends. Chaos ensues. IchiRuki, HitsuHina, GinRan, GrimmNel & UlquiHime. Rated T for language. Merry Christmas!


**I don't own Bleach!**

**Orihime's Secret Santa Gift Exchange **

_**Wow. What a shitty title... But, that's literally the seventh title I've given this damn thing so oh well. Here is your Bleach oneshot Christmas fic! Please R&R, I spent almost two hours on this! :D**_

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"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Orihime Inoue's voice screamed out to the crowd of people. All of the people looked up from whatever assorted things they were doing to look at the teen.

She was wearing a silver dress that stopped about three inches above her knees and matching heels. Her hair was up in a messy bun and her makeup was simple, but under the lights of her house (where everyone was) she looked simply stunning.

"It's time for the Soul Society/Hueco Mundo Secret Santa Christmas Gift Exchange!" She said with a smile to the group of Espada, Arrancar and Shinigami.  
"Woohoo!" A random voice said from the crowd.  
"You all should've received a name from a hat a few days ago and should have a gift for that person! Remember, whoever you got, they got YOUR NAME so don't be extremely surprised!"  
"Didn't you get a name?" Renji yelled.  
"I didn't get a name, although I have a gift for whoever got my name!" She said with a smile.  
"Now, please get out the present you bought and find them!"

A loud string of voices went out in the crowd.

"WHERE'S KOMMAMURA?!"

"UNOHANA-TAICHO!"

"WILL YOU GET THE FUCK OVER HERE?!"

Orihime smiled at sat down. She wondered who got her name. It certainly wasn't Ichigo as Rukia had drawn his name. She watched as the Shinigami unwrapped a small plush Chappie doll and as her face lit up in a bright smile. She handed Ichigo a small red box with a silver bow. He opened it and turned it over. Nothing came out.  
"That's not funny, Rukia. What the hell?"  
"Well, I couldn't think of what to get you, so I got you this!" She grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

Orihime looked elsewhere. Gin and Rangiku were enjoying saké, dried persimmons and extremely heated kisses. Rangiku was already hammered, despite being forty-five minutes late and only being at the party for twenty minutes.

Elsewhere, Hitsugaya and Hinamori were smiling as Momo opened up a small gift with a framed painting of the first time they had met in Rukongai.  
"That's so sweet Shirô-chan!" She said with a happy smile.  
"It was nothing," He replied.  
"Who painted it?" She asked.  
"Matsumoto."  
"R-really?" She said, holding out the painting to look at again, "I didn't know Rangiku-chan could paint."  
"Neither did I," He replied.  
"Oh! Merry Christmas!" She said, holding out a box. He took it, ripping open the sparkly paper.  
"Hair gel?"  
"I saw that you were running out," She replied, "so I picked some up."  
"Oh, and this," He held up a CD. "Oh! This is my favorite band's new album!" He said, opening the case to reveal the decal of the band.  
"Mmmhmm!" She replied.  
"But this doesn't come out for another week... How did you get it?"  
"You'd be surprised what you can do when you show up at a record company and only one guy can see you," Momo replied with a shrug.  
"... You mean you stole it?"  
"Not really," she answered, "the guy at the record company was more than happy to give it to me."  
The Captain started down at the CD for a few seconds and then back at the Lieutenant.  
"... Was Tobiume involved in this process?"  
"... Possibly." His hand smacked to his forehead.  
"You should know that we can't steal from the human world."  
"Do you want me to take it back?"  
"NO! I-I mean, no," he said, redefining his position. Momo giggled and looked happily at her friend.  
"Okay, I won't then."  
"Good."

Even elsewhere than that, she saw other people, some couples, some acquaintances, smiling and laughing as they opened presents. Grimmjow had bought two gifts for Nelliel, one for the child version and one for the adult version depending on which Nel arrived. An adult version of Nel handed him a package and smiled as she took both of his.  
"Hey!"  
"Well, I can't stay like this forever, so I might as well enjoy the other one!" Grimmjow grumbled and opened his small bag. He held up a small pouch and sniffed at it.  
"What the hell is this?"  
"Catnip!"  
"Cat... Seriously?" The woman gave a small smile in response.  
Grimmjow opened the bag and took a whiff, drawing back.  
"That stuff is NOT good for me..." Nel smiled again and put the bag back in the bag she had given it to him in, opening her own presents.  
"Wow! This is beautiful, Grimmjow!" She said, inspecting the light green scarf in her hands. The word Nelliel was etched into the fabric in a different shade of green. "Did you make this yourself?"  
He blushed, "Maybe..."  
"Wow! I didn't know you could knit!"  
"Yeah, yeah, keep your voice down!" He furiously whispered.  
"And both of us can wear it!" She said to herself, hugging the fabric to her chest.  
"Here's the other one." She tore into the smaller box. A small teal blanket sat in the box. She held it up, admiring the Sexta's work. Nel-chan was written in stitches all around every side.  
"It's amazing. I'm sure Little-Me will love it." She folded up the blanket and placed it back in its box.

Orihime's eyes fluttered around the room looking for someone who didn't have a gift or was alone. After a while she gave up and sighed, picking away at the silvery polish on her nails.  
"Onna?" She jumped, slipping and falling out of her chair with a defying "KYA!"  
"Are you alright?" A monotonous voice said.  
"Yeah..." A hand was reached down and Orihime grabbed it, standing up. "Thanks Ulquiorra-kun."  
"I've told you countless times-"  
"I know, I know. But you know what I also know?" When he didn't reply, she continued. "I know that right now, you're in MY world in a HUMAN body so therefore, I can call you Ulquiorra-KUN!" The man rolled his eyes and handed her the second drink he had brought with him for her.  
"Here," Orihime smiled and took the glass. "You have been quite antisocial tonight. Have I rubbed off you that much?" He asked with a tiny smile.  
Orihime sighed, "No, but since I don't know who pulled my name I don't know what to do. I chose not to know who got me so I'm bored of trying to figure out." She put the cup to her lips and swallowed a single drop of the liquid before spitting out.  
"Gross! That's got alcohol in it!"  
"What's the matter?"  
"The matter is that I'm not legally old enough to drink!"  
"Aren't they as old as you are?" He said, pointing a spidery finger at Chad, Ichigo and Ishida, happily drinking whiskey and peppermint schnapps.  
"That's not the point here, Ulquiorra-kun," She said, turning away from her drunken friends. "I don't like that stuff."  
"Oh. Have mine," He said, holding out his own glass. "There is no alcohol in it whatsoever." Orihime looked up at him and smiled.  
"Thank you, Ulquiorra-kun," She said with a smile, taking a drink and smiling. "Much better."  
"One more thing," Ulquiorra said, holding out a small silver bag with a tiny piece of tissue paper popping out of the top. Orihime's eyes lit up. Other than probably Tatsuki, Ulquiorra Schiffer knew more about Orihime than she did. She smiled and pulled out the tissue paper.

Inside was a tiny black velvet box. She lifted the lid and started down at two tiny blue flowers.  
"My ShunShun Rikka?" Ulquiorra half-laughed.  
"No, Onna. Look at them closer. They're earrings."

And that's what she did. She picked one up and felt the clasp on the back and the small gold stick she pierced through her ear. She quickly removed the earrings she was already wearing and put the new ones in.  
She pulled out her phone and took a picture of her smiling and Ulquiorra sort of smiling. More of a tiny smirk, really. She pulled the phone back and looked at the picture.  
"Aw," She said with a smile as she put her phone away. "Don't we look cute, Ulquiorra-kun?"  
"Um... I suppose so," He replied.  
"Oh! That means I have to give you a present!" She reached behind the couch and handed him a bag.  
"I sorta had you in mind when I bought it, so I'd be a bit embarrassed if someone else drew my name..."

Ulquiorra tore open the packaging.  
"Tea?" He said, holding the bag in his hand.  
"Yeah," Orihime replied. "it's really expensive! I spent five weeks allowance on it!" She smiled.  
"You didn't have to spend money on me," He said looking at it and turning the package over to look at the back and sides.  
"Yes I did!" Orihime replied with a flustered-slash-annoyed expression. "Don't... Don't you like it?"  
"Of course I like it!" The Espada replied. Orihime smiled brightly.  
"I'm glad because I was just going to force Aizen-sama to strengthen your powers with the Hogyôku and make you the Primera Espada if you didn't like it." The Quatro froze and half choked on his own spit.  
"Y-you were going to what?"  
"I was going to make Aizen-sa-"  
"I thought that was what you said." He said, sitting down on the chair next to Orihime, taking a drink from what he presumed she had splash-backed in. He didn't mind the taste. He wondered why she hadn't liked it.  
"Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves," He said after a few minutes of observing the crowd. "Why aren't you out with all the chaos, Onna?"  
"Why aren't you?" She asked in response.  
"Because I'm naturally antisocial," He replied. "You are not. You should be out there drinking and having a good time. You aren't a captive for the time being. Enjoy it." Orihime sighed and looked at the Espada.  
"I don't want to go out and get drunk this year."  
"Why not?" He asked.

Now, let it be on record that Ulquiorra Schiffer, Quatro Espada of Sôsuke Aizen's Arrancar Army, was NOT the kind of person who understood anything about how the human- and especially the female- mind worked. The idea completely confused and eluded him no matter how many different times he thought about it.

The fact that he was asking Orihime Inoue to further discuss her reasoning was simply to learn more about the complications of the human mind and possibly heart. He had a lot of knowledge about hearts since he had died, but in any event, more knowledge is always a plus.

"Because that's stupid and alcohol is bad for your brain." The cup Ulquiorra was staring down at was thrown into the trash can a few feet away.  
"Hey Ulquiorra?"  
"What?" The man said, repositioning himself in his chair so he was facing slightly towards the girl.  
"Why are you really not out there having fun?"  
"Because it's more interesting to be a- I believe you call them this- wallflower."  
"Oh. I don't even want to know why," Orihime said, playing with her earrings, twisting them around in little circles and staring out at her friends.

Matsumoto (as expected) was dancing on one of Orihime's tables and doing something borderline illegal with cheese.  
_(What said illegal activity was I'll leave to your own disturbed mind) _  
"HEY ORIHIME-CHAAAAAAAAN!" She screamed at the teenager sitting on the couch with her Espada friend. "YOU SHOULD COME HAVE FUN WITH US! RELAX FOR GOD'S SAKE! YOU PLANNED THIS DAMN THING, ENJOY IT!" Orihime bit her lip and looked at Ulquiorra for a split second.  
"What?" He said, immediately noticing the action.  
"N-nothing," Orihime replied, drinking some more of the drink Ulquiorra had given her. It had started to taste funny, but it was something Ulquiorra liked and his tastes were distinctly different from hers. She knew it wasn't alcohol, but it was something.  
"Hey Ulquiorra-kun, what's in this?"  
"Rum," He replied completely nonchalantly. "Why?"  
"That's ALCOHOL!"  
"It is? I thought alcohol was the stuff you get in a big clear bottle from the grocery store."  
"That's RUBBING ALCOHOL! The alcohol I know about is the kind that turns you into THAT!" She screamed, thrusting her finger in Rangiku's direction. She was still dancing on the table and doing that creepy thing with cheese.  
"Oh."  
"How can you just say "OH"?!"  
"You don't seem to be bothered by it and that cup has been empty for a few minutes," Ulquiorra said, pointing to the Solo cup in Orihime's hand. She peered into it. It was stone dry.

"Ughhhhh." Orihime said, hanging her head. "Man, I was really hoping I wouldn't drink. I'm trying not to."  
"It's okay," He told her, "it's Christmas. You should have fun."  
"No," She retaliated, "it's Christmas. I should be on a nice date with my boyfriend because that is how christmas SHOULD be spent in Japan."  
"I didn't know you had a boyfr-"  
"I don't," She replied, cutting off his sentence, "and that's the problem."  
"Oh," Ulquiorra said, trying to sound like that made even an ounce of sense.  
"C'MON, ORIHIME!" Matsumoto shouted from across the room, "HAVE SOME DAMN FUN! OR AT LEAST LOOK UP!" Orihime looked startled for a second but her curiosity got the better of her and her eyes moved towards the ceiling and focused on the tiny sprig of mistletoe hanging from a string about a foot above her head. She went red for a second. And then that second turned into a minute. And then two.  
"Is something wrong?" Ulquiorra asked, waving his hand in front of her face and snapping her back to reality.  
"Wh-what? No, n-nothing's wrong."  
"Is that odd plant above our heads making you uncomfortable?" Orihime nodded slowly, trying to avoid looking at it.  
"Would you like me to take it down?" She looked at the floor.  
"Hey look!" Gin said, pointing at them, "They're under th' mistletoe!" Orihime started to blush as more and more people turned to look at them.  
"What the hell are you waiting for? An invitation?" Grimmjow said, leaning back. Ulquiorra looked at her.  
"Do they expect us to do something?" Orihime nodded.  
"What?"  
"Go ahead," Ichigo said with a drunken smirk, "Kiss her, sumbass. Dumbass."  
"Oh," Ulquiorra said, looking at her, "alright." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. Orihime's eyes got wide and she looked at him.

_What is he doing?! _She thought. _He's kissing me! I understand the point of mistletoe, but seriously? But his lips are so soft. They're really cold though. Oh god. My breath smells like alcohol... Shit. _

But suddenly, she found herself kissing him back. Like, kissing him kissing him back. His touch was soft, like, if he tried to kiss her, she'd shatter like glass. There were a few annoying "Awww's" but the pair ignored them.

After a minute or so he drew back and looked at Orihime, who was still blushing completely red.  
"Are you alright, Onna?" Orihime didn't move.  
"M-my first kiss... It, it wasn't with K-Kurosaki-kun..." She murmured.  
"Onna?" He snapped a few times. "Onna? Orihime?" but, she sat frozen in her chair.  
"What's wornf *wrong with Orhine? *Orihime." Matsumoto asked.  
"I'm not sure," Ulquiorra replied, "she appears to be in some sort of trance."  
"I gor *got this," Matsumoto said, "HEY ORIHIME-CHAN WAEK UP!"  
"KYA!" Orihime screamed, falling out of her chair again.  
"Got ir. *it."  
"You certainly did." Ulquiorra replied, holding out a hand for Orihime.  
"Sorry," Orihime said quietly, "just a bit of shock. That was my first kiss, actually."  
"Oh. My apologies for taking it."  
"It... It's okay," She said with a small smile, "I'm not going to get all depressed because of some little kiss."  
"Your frist *first kiss." Matsumoto remarked.  
"Wasn't with Kurosaki, either," added Gin.  
"Not helping her," Ulquiorra replied to both of them.  
"Seriously! It's totally fine! That alcohol must be kicking in because I completely couldn't fucking -oops!- care less!" Matsumoto smiled.  
"That's my gril. *girl."

**_You asked for a oneshot, I gave you a cheesy Christmas fic with all of my favorite pairings. :D hey, you get what you get!_**  
**_MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D -Please R&R! -Chiharu-chan! _**


End file.
